When you think of Ka-Bar, you probably think of the ubiquitous USMC fighting knife that first became famous during WWII. In fact you might own one, or have been issued one in the military. These knives have served US troops and civilians for decades, and for good reason. They just plain work.
But I’m not here to talk about fighting knives, or any of the other Ka-Bar branded edged weapons and tools out there.
No, I’m here to talk about eating lunch. Or breakfast. Heck, just eating food in general. Because this is something that everyone has to do, and the prepper on the go, or person stuck in a survival situation usually has a crappier time of eating. Because eating when the world is falling apart around you is just another stress you probably don’t need.
You might be eating cold beans from a can, or staring at an MRE that makes you more unhappy than the apocalypse around you. Either way, sitting down to chow requires a few simple tools to make shoveling food in your face easy. And Ka-Bar has a tool for that. It’s even a tactical tool.
A Tactical What?!
Spork. This is actually a tactical spork. Now before you roll your eyes any harder, hear me out. When I pulled this out of my Christmas stocking, I giggled. So did my friend who gave it to me, and everyone else who got one. On the surface, these are a fun, silly little thing that takes advantage of the ability to sell darn near anything if you make it a dark color and label it tactical. In reality, the Ka-Bar tactical spork is a useful, functional survival, camping or every day use tool. It’s also crazy cheap for what you get.
Now before I get into the styling and practical uses of this thing, I want to point out the best part. Sure, a spork is a spork is a spork. They aren’t very impressive on their own, nor should they be. They are a bloody spork.
But when you take the tactical spork, hold each end in a hand, and pull, you get a really nice serrated knife. Now this is a serious upgrade to the spork concept. One wonders why there haven’t been more sporks with hidden stabby cutty things in the handle before. The answer of course is that it would trigger liberals and the easily frightened, but I repeat myself.
As you can see from the pictures, this is a pretty serious piece of cutlery. I’ve successfully cut steak with it, and it’s great for punching open plastic pouches and such. One might even be able to use it as a last ditch sort of weapon, but you probably figured that out already.
You Need This In Your Life
There are better eating tools out there. If you just want a food shovel, it is hard to beat the classic MRE spoon. Or something similar to that, like an old stainless mess kit spoon, or whatever else you want for a food delivery system.
But tools take up space and sometimes you need something more than just a spoon. Now a spork is a good compromise, although not the best. You won’t be sitting down to fine dining with a spork, but for most eating, a spork is just fine and dandy. And don’t forget the knife in the handle. This gives you three eating tools in the space that a single spoon would take up.
And because the Ka-Bar tactical spork is made of a stout polymer it is both strong and lightweight. So really, when you are dealing with a compact, useful, lightweight and well designed product that offers the function of three tools in the space of one, why wouldn’t you stick it in your bugout bag, or even make it an everyday carry item?
Ok, there really isn’t more. This is a spork. With a knife in the handle. But what a knife. Let’s talk about the knife, because Ka-Bar is all about the knives. When I first took my tactical spork out of the package, I thought it was just a spork with a really nice and comfy handle. It was only by paying attention to the packaging (read the instructions folks – if nothing else, it gives your spouse one less thing to nag you about) that I found there was a knife in the bloody handle.
Now I was really impressed with the knife Ka-Bar designed for this set. It is very clearly a fully serrated knife with a pointed tip that can make quick work of most any cut of meat or other food. But I know what you are really wondering…
Yes, yes you could use it to stab a dude if you were forced to. I just wouldn’t. There are far better self defense tools out there, and if you are reduced to using a stubby little steak knife for personal protection, you screwed up something fierce. On the other hand, you really can’t call it tactical, if you can’t at least fantasize about using it in combat.
Heck, I suppose you could even stab a dude with the spork. Gouge an eye out or something. But seriously, the tactical label is just a lighthearted way to sell a really practical bit of kit.
Still Even More Words
Did you guys know there is an ideal word count for these sorts of online articles? My editor and the site owner tell me it is about 1500 words as a minimum, and I’m inclined to agree. However, writing 1500 words about a tactical spork is hard. Not as hard as… you know what? Never mind, I’m sure we can all fill in those blanks.
And speaking about filling in blanks, (which is better than shooting blanks) this little spork set takes up very little space in your gear bag. Think about that for a minute. It’s the apocalypse de jour and you can finally alpha male up, stop prepping and start surviving.
After a hard day of slaying bodies and fighting the enemies of civilization, you sit down to crack open a cold can of beans. You dig in with your spork, and you realize something, that you saved enough space by combining a spoon, fork and knife into one wicked cool piece of tactical gear, that you had enough space in your bugout bag for like six extra rounds of ammo. And you just traded that ammo for the last pack of smokes in the area. Thank you Ka-Bar tactical spork!
Almost Done With The Words
Now there is one thing missing with the tactical spork; namely it isn’t quite mall ninja enough. Where are the Picatinny rails? MOLLE gear? Laser and flashlight combo? See how I also cleverly turned those into affiliate links? Click on them, you might find cool stuff you need to own.
I’m not going to say a Ka-Bar tactical spork is the epitome of manliness, but I will say if you whip this bad boy out in some place full of easily scared pansies like Seattle, Portland or that part of New York City that sent a socialist bartender to Congress, you’ll probably get some strange looks. Somebody might even call the cops, or choke on their vape, but who cares? While they are rocking back and forth in their safe space, triggered over a spork, you are eating your lunch and getting phone numbers from the attractive people of whatever gender you are attracted to.
End Of The Words
161 words – that’s what I need at the start of this sentence to finish this article prior to editing. If you’ve read this far, you should be convinced you need a Ka-Bar tactical spork. In fact you should be buying one for yourself, all the members in your prepper group, and a half dozen more for your bugout cabin. These things will be worth their weight in gold when TEOTWAWKI comes. Assuming liberals don’t try to ban it first.
Heck, it’s probably already illegal in California as we speak, which is how you know it’s something you should own. Buy one, for yourself, for freedom, for democracy, for liberty. It is something you can show your children and grandchildren when you tell them about the before time, when the world hadn’t broken down, and we still had the luxury of making silly things like tactical sporks. Or just because they are fun, inexpensive and very practical. That’s my main reason, and anything else is just a bonus.