Living in the Puget Sound, I’m exposed to all sorts of coffee, from the over roasted swill that comes from a certain chain with a mermaid logo, to hipster grade small batch roasted stuff served by a dude in a man bun, in a cafe full of fringe commie propaganda. Sometimes it seems like there aren’t many options for patriots and preppers who want their coffee to come with a dose of red blooded American, instead of the red flag of socialism.

That’s why I was excited to come across the ass kicking, flag waving, gun totin’ patriotic folks at Pale Horse Coffee. Being a coffee drinker, I was happy to have a chance to sit down with the good folks at Pale Horse and pick their brains on what makes them so awesome, and how they got into the coffee roasting game. After all, you gotta love a company who’s Twitter profile includes the words “socialists and communists can eat a bag of d*cks.”


Q: What inspired you to go into the coffee business?

We all love coffee, one of our partners who is a naval officer is kind of a coffee genius, the other two of us are the sales and social media guys. We basically wanted a way to raise money for conservative and veteran causes doing something we like.

Q: How did you come up with the name Pale Horse?

We are believers in the Bible and the end times are coming – Pale Horse represents that. The name is drawn from Revelation 6:8

“And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.”

Because the pale horse represents death, and death is something we all must face, we figure you might as well face it fully caffeinated. We also want do our part to help others and keep America great while among the living.

Q: Do you ever take flack over your branding and no bullshit marketing?

We take flak from woke vets and communist twinkle toe c*ck suckers. We can honestly care less however, and hope they all choke on a bag of d*cks.

Q: What’s your favorite blend that you sell?

We all have different tastes so everybody has a favorite- Mercenary blend seems to be biggest seller. If you like helping veterans, our Hunter Seven blend benefits veteran’s healthcare research.

Q: What do you look for in a good cup of coffee?

We like a fresh roasted and good tasting cup of coffee, but when profits also benefit Keeping America Great, that’s even better.

Q: What model handgun goes best with a cup of Pale Horse?

.41 Caliber Colt Thunderer- If it was good enough for Doc Holiday, it’s good enough for us. (Interviewer’s note: Hell. Yeah.)

Q: Do you have anything to say to the liberals trying to destroy America out there?

Just this…

Pale Horse On Prepping

Pale Horse Coffee says they are not preppers, but totally prepared. They feel there are a lot of blowhards who advertise their plans, and strut their preps, but a true prepper keeps their mouth shut. A prepper should never tell others about their stash, or their plans. Instead, they are a quiet professional, keeping their prepping to themselves, and ensuring success through secrecy.  After all, the more who know about your plans, the greater the chance you won’t succeed.


There you have it folks. Founding Fathers like Ben Franklin were coffee drinkers, and after a bunch of crazy patriots dumped tea in Boston Harbor, coffee became the stimulant of choice for Americans. Today, small batch artisanal roasted coffee is often sold for coastal elites, and leftist assholes. The other day I walked into a coffee shop and was greeted with radical socialist propaganda, and wished I had a cup of Pale Horse as I walked out.

Folks, coffee is amazing, and if you are buying it, you should be buying it from hard working, American patriots and warriors like the good folks at Pale Horse. I know my next bean order is coming from them, will yours?